sometimes, when ure caught in the middle, u just wun noe what to do.

who to believe.

its lidat now. both of u are my close friends. i trust both of u equally. so who am i supposed to believe? whose side am i supposed to be on? 

i reallie dunno.

how am i to noe that what ure telling me is all true? how am i to noe that ure not just making use of me? how am i to noe that u do not have any ulterior motive behind all these? it seriously sucks.

and im seriously confused. 

i want to help both of u, but i have no idea how to go about doing it. taking it one step at a time on both sides will probably make u both see me as a hypocrite and hate me. 

then ill lose both friends.

if i do nothing, im scared that what u told me is true. and that you are reallie like what u say. and if something happens, what am i to do? how am i going to live the guilt down for actually noeing everything but not taking any action that could help prevent it?

it seriously sucks. u better not be making use of me. cos if i find out, ure more than dead. and ill nvr talk to u ever again. I will mark the end of our affinity. thats me for u. 

the world is hard to trust. ppl who always complain that others are hypocritical turn out to be themselves hypocritical. ppl who berate others for being flirts and making use of other ppl always turn out to be like this themselves. who on this earth does everything for everyone purely out of the bottom of her heart? surely there would be an ulterior motive, sometime somewhere. but having just ONE ulterior motive by ONE person at a certain time and place is enough to destroy ONE friendship. 

and thats the world for u.

 I have no idea when all these is going to end.

we're like going in circles u noe, like, round and round and round. 

a circle has no beginning. or, a circle has infinite beginnings, as suhui puts it.(ah, the philosophy student=) ) likewise, it has either no end, or an infinite number of ends.

you cant just slot urself in and out of my life, like u do in a circle.

cos it just doesn work this way. u either be in and stay in, or get out. for good.

stop moving in an out like an intruder. i feel naked because u have stripped me of every last bit of protection i have. just leave me alone. to regenerate the cocoon i had once more. let me live in that cocoon until im ready to come out. 

and when i emerge, maybe ill be more beautiful. maybe ill be wiser. maybe ill be more mature. and then, ill be ready.

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why do some people berate themselves so much?

yes i KNOW it is hard to not feel like a loser sometimes. but, ALL the time? (and im not talking abt u, su. haha) how can ppl feel zibei ALL the time? 

if ure born with an inferiority complex, maybe i wont feel so surprised. but then again, its nvr an excuse for u to feel zibei all the time. as u grow older, PLEASE mature and learn to accept urself for who u are. if ure ugly, so be it. there's nothing u can do to change nature's will, unless u go for plastic surgery. u noe, there's a saying: if u do not like something, CHANGE it. if you cannot change it, CHANGE ur attitude towards it. DONT complain. see? so whats the point of moaning that ure fat/ugly/lazy/insolent/blah blah blah...?

if ure ugly, GO for plastic surgery. if u dont have the money, ACCEPT ur looks! i know it sounds much easier than it reallie is, but obviously ppl have done it. u dont see many ppl committing suicide because they thought they were ugly. 

if ure fat, DIET. its either one or the other. no willpower to diet? then too bad. remain fat lor! if u reallie have the discipline to diet, then good job, u get ur dream figure! if dieting doesn work, then go to slimming spas lah. arent there so many of those around these days?

if ure lazy, and i think this is the most duh of all, just WORK HARDER. plan ur day or whatever so that u dont waste time doing nonsensical stuff, and berating urself for being lazy and slacking the day afterwards. isnt it??

likewise, if u think ure rude, learn not to be rude. SIMPLE as that. this should be the easiest of all i think. whats so difficult about adding a please, or a thank u after every request? if u think THIS is hard, then maybe u shouldn bother to attempt anything else. or maybe okay, some ppl are just very prideful. then maybe it is time to learn to put down ur pride abit. HUMBLE urself. whats so hard about looking bad in front of ppl? if u made a mistake, LAUGH at urself. learn to criticise urself. learn to admit ur mistakes, like "im reallie sorrie but i shouldn have done it this way, im sorrie if i caused anyone any inconvenience". this can be learnt bit by bit, step by step. its possible. if it werent, BEING HAPPY (self help book) would not be the number 1 bestseller.

DONT COMPLAIN. yes, even im doing that sometimes. but im learning not too, so much. cos i dont think its very nice. see? im learning too. it doesn matter if u make mistakes. what matters is that u learn from it. u learn to step out of it. bit by bit. im going to learn to complain less, and to take more action into righting the things which i thought were wrong. or at least justifying it. 

no one's perfect in this world. we all have our shortcomings here and there. but we all need to learn to improve ourselves, right? if we were born and died the same person with the same stinky character, then i think we have achieved nothing in our lifetime. so what if u were a multimillionaire? so what if u made it to the cover page of wall street journal? if ure rotten on the inside, then i dont think u have benefited the world much. i think intrinsic gains WAY surpass extrinsic gains.

i always wondered, and im still wondering, why we cant all have solar panels.

unless a solar panel, or a few solar panels are unable to supply a household with all the energy it uses, i don't see why.

i noe its abt the cost and all. ppl cant afford it. but what if the government supplies? actually, the government SHOULD supply solar panels. to every household. 

the thing abt the cost? it should never be a concern to the government. they should buy these solar panels from suppliers, and suppliers should lower costs, or even make it free. don't you see, its not abt the money anymore! its abt saving our planet. and anyway, those resources used to make these solar panels have never ever belonged to anyone. they all belong to mother nature, and we're simply renting these resources. these solar panels are only expensive because humans made it so! it is time, that people stop thinking abt money only, and start thinking abt what we should all do to continue to live on this planet.

we're all dying on this earth. first its the fuel shortage, then the oil shortage, so now we turn to food supplies to provide us with the fuel and ultimately, the energy that we all need. and now, thanks to that, we face a food shortage.

isnt this like a vicious cycle kind of thing? energy is smth that we are always going to need, in almost every process. we need it to work our bodies, so we eat. the food we consume provides our body with the energy to continue with its many processes. we need to build buildings, cars, roads. and all these require energy. we need work, and that requires energy. we want air conditioning, clean water, clean air, clean food. and all those require energy too. but where are we going to get all these energy from? we used to get it from fuels. but now we're short. so we use oil and stuff. but now we're short again. so we turn to food?! and whats going to happen when we seriously deplete the food sources? how are we, the harvesters of energy, going to survive then? 

scientists have come up with things like hydroelectric power, and turbines and all. these are brilliant inventions, but who's going to guarantee that there will always be wind and water? i guess the best invention so far is still the solar panel. cos sunlight is smth that will always be here, at least for the next million years or so. the rays from the sun are extremely high in energy, and solar panels can store energy for future use. its perfect, in other words, to supply life on earth with the energy we demand. so why not use it? why cant ppl stop thinking abt wealth for once and do smth to save everyone? if suppliers provide free panels, and governments get the panels for free, then we would all have energy, and an endless supply at that. and we can do away with the food shortage, oil shortage and stuff. prices will then stop rising, and everyone will be happy. no more utilitiy bills to pay, happy ppl, happy government(cos they dont have to tabulate thousands of bills every month). or if they prefer, they can still charge ppl for the energy they use. and for the repairs of the solar panel or whatever, if money is reallie so impt to them.

people shouldn complain abt rising prices. on the contrary, shouldn we all be thinking hard abt WHY we have rising prices, and HOW to curb this problem? all i see is talk, and no action. why talk so much? what a waste of energy.

*by the way, its rather stupid to burn fuels to get energy. ESPECIALLY in the tropics like singapore, where its bloody hot and sunny all year round. heat adds to heat? and we still wonder why we have global warming. *rolls eyes*

live journal is pretty haha. 

i just moved over from blogger. i guess im not transporting anywhere else from now on! its quite sad that i cant get my blog over from blogger. in case ure wondering, here's my ex blog: http://i-am-a-german-flea.blogspot.com 

im going to leave my account at blogger so that i can visit my exblog whenever i want to. haha. oh well. it nvr hurts to have a few more accounts(: 

okay, its toodles for now then!

oh, before i leave, here's a very big hello to everyone on livejournal(: